Thank you Global Warming

Recent developments have caused me great alarm on the issue of Global Warming.

Once thought by me to be one of the biggest spoofs of our generation and the next great 'invention' of Al Gore (following his invention of the internet in the 20th Century), now has become the center-point of my focus... at least for this brief article/blog.

Headlines plaster the pages of internet news sources drawing searching eyes to their all-encompassing grasp. The latest and most shocking headline, "Crash kills 25 as snow cripples China." (view source) You are probably now thinking, 'Wait a minute!... snow? I thought this article was about global warming?' Well, you are absolutely correct.

With snow falling in record droves in China's core and racking up a death toll of nearly 50 people, there is only one obvious culprit, Global Warming. How can global warming be the cause of the record snow falls, you might ask; well, let me explain.

You see, some scientists have said that we are in for the hottest decade the United States has ever seen. Dan Vergano of USA Today reports, "The next decade will be a hot one, according to scientists unveiling the first 10-year projection of global warming." (view source) And so, as with most things, it is the 'fault' of the United States. And how does that affect China? University of Texas biologist Camille Parmesan explains, "What we were able to show is it's happening in everyone's back yard," including China's. (view source)

As a result of America's rising temperatures, China's people are suffering. And now, we look to Al Gore for the truth. What is to be done? "This is not a political issue. This is a moral issue -- it affects the survival of human civilization," is Al's response. (view source) Gavin A. Schmidt followed with his solution. "There are things that you can do today and in the midterm, and things to tend to in the long term... You have to think... all... at once." (view source)

The grand solution, thinking... all at the same time. If we combine our mind powers, we will be able to combat global warming and free China from it's icy claws. Chinese Prime Minister Wen Jiabao sends his plea for help and his condolences saying, "I apologize to you all. We're currently trying our best..." (view source)

Thank you Al Gore, for allowing us to hear such an inconvenient truth.

The Passing of an Era and a Legend

President Gordon B. Hinckley, 15th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has passed away at age 97, and with his passing brings the end of a remarkable era in Church history.

Pres. Hinckley was born June 23, 1910 in Salt Lake City, Utah to Bryant Stringham and Ada Bitner Hinckley. He began his tremendous Church service as a young missionary serving in the British Isles from 1933-1935. Upon return he began work with the LDS Church's new Radio, Publicity and Mission Literature Committee. This was a spark in a life-long journey in the field of publicity.

In 1937, he married Marjorie Pay in the Salt Lake Temple. They have five children and twenty-five grandchildren. Marjorie Pay Hinckley passed away in 2004 during Conference Weekend, at age 92, which left Pres. Hinckley in mourning. They had been married for nearly 70 years. Just prior to her passing, Pres. Hinckley commented,

"Now, my brothers and sisters, I reluctantly desire a personal indulgence for a moment. Some of you have noticed the absence of Sister Hinckley. For the first time in 46 years, since I became a General Authority, she has not attended general conference. Earlier this year we were in Africa to dedicate the Accra Ghana Temple. On leaving there we flew to Sal, a barren island in the Atlantic, where we met with members of a local branch. We then flew to St. Thomas, an island in the Caribbean. There we met with a few others of our members. We were on our way home when she collapsed with weariness. She's had a difficult time ever since. She's now 92, a little younger than I am. I guess the clock is winding down, and we do not know how to rewind it.

"It is a somber time for me. We've been married for 67 years this month. She is the mother of our five gifted and able children, the grandmother of 25 grandchildren and a growing number of great-grandchildren. We've walked together side by side through all of these years, coequals and companions through storm and sunshine." (view source)

President Hinckley was called as an Apostle in 1961 and later into the First Presidency of the Church under President Spencer W. Kimball in 1981. He served as a counselor in the First Presidency also under Presidents Ezra Taft Benson (1899 - 1994) and Howard W Hunter (1907 - 1995). Shortly after the death of Pres. Hunter, Gordon was ordained, and sustained by the members of the Church, as its 15th President.

As President of the Church, his accomplishments were remarkable. He traveled to over 60 nations across the globe to share his warmth and spirit to members everywhere. He more than doubled the number of active temples in the span of three short years, reaching numbers above 100 working temples. He continued his work as a publicist in the realm of Church service, interviewing with Larry King, Mike Wallace and others.

But most importantly, President Gordon B. Hinckley left a lasting impression in the hearts and minds of Church members everywhere. His testimony of faith and humility were a beacon to all who witnessed his humbly triumphant life. Obedience and faithful service was his message to all. And now, with the passing of an era and a legend, each of us will retain the echo in our minds, in our hearts, and in our souls to "stand a little taller."

New Anti-Hillary '08 Campaign!

I have been following the campaign fairly closely since it's kick-off over a year ago, and have read hundreds of articles associated with either side of the fight. I also listen daily to Shawn Hannity on Hot Talk 560 KSFO (San Francisco) who touts the "Stop Hillary Express." I, as an avid supporter of Gov. Mitt Romney, have a solid gold ticket providing me 1st class passage on that train.

I have been overjoyed to hear of efforts to thwart The Clinton Machine's progress along the campaign trail. Every rusty nut (no pun intended towards Bill Clinton... promise!) or bolt that appears to slow the machine is also wonderful news. Today, I came across a brilliant new, one-man campaign against Hillary Clinton by way of her loyal 'Hillaryites.'

The story reads:

"Somewhere USA - The other day I went to Starbucks for coffee and I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break"?
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I upped the ante and called him a "Nazi."
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a "doughnut-eating Gestapo jerk." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I rode to Starbucks on my bicycle. The car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08." I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. My doctors tell me it is important to laugh."
(Source: http://nuttynuttynews.blogspot.com/2008/01/funny-retired-guy-at-starbucks-having.html)

Warning: I do not recommend you insult an officer of the peace. If you wish to oppose Hillary Clinton in her bid for the Democratic nomination, there are safer ways to proceed.

But please do oppose her campaign for the Presidency.

Male chest implants... What a great idea! Um, not.

So I have this job where 90% of my time, no wait, scratch that, 99% of my time is spent doing things entirely unrelated to work. You could say that my department is lacking in organization, or you could say that my department is just lacking in organization. As a result of the non-existent work load, I have ample time to 'browse' news articles on the internet. Today, I thought to browse the "weird news" happenings. In doing so, I came across an article regarding male chest implants. No, not male 'breast' implants; male 'chest' implants.

After reading some of the article (I couldn't finish it... or even get half-way because, the chest implants occurring mostly in San Francisco [Surprise!], a San Francisco man was interviewed. He was your 'stereotypical' San Francisco man... like, oh my gosh!... yeah, that kind.), I thought, "What a ridiculously dumb idea!" Let me explain why...

Okay, think about it. Some people get tattoos that circumnavigate their bulging biceps because they actually look kind of cool, BUT others of us make fun of those people because in 10, 15, 20, or so years, the tattoos they get won't look half as good as they do now, mostly because the bulging bicep atrophies to become an abnormal abscess complete with it's own extra large insulating flap of darkened skin. What is going to happen when these men, who most likely will discontinue their workout routine as early as a couple weeks after the New Year, if they even have one, begin to lose their sculpted "300" imitation figures? Talk about your double-D man-boobs. Maybe I should try to reinstate the "Bro" to make a buck or two.

Either that or they will maintain their Abercrombie model style pecs whilst toting around a "fat pack," as was once coined by a friend of mine (Simo Atagi) whilst comparing our abs of underdeveloped steel. How would they cope then? My suggestion, try Glenn Beck's new product, "Explain Away," that way they can avoid explanation altogether.

Regardless of what happens, I can sense a growing trend of 'buyers remorse' amongst the almost-nearly back-up fill-in substitute cast for "300," as well as a nationwide epidemic of over-grown and oddly shaped man-boobs.

Ah, the male ego... isn't it grand!